07 September 2011

mouthbreathing in aircon

When I started this blog about six weeks ago, I was in a happy place, and I wanted to connect with other positive, cheerful people. I made a personal editorial policy that this would, under no circumstances, become a place to vent frustrations or get angry. Everyone has quite enough on their own plates without me clambering up onto my high horse. But I'm afraid I need to break that rule. Thankfully the editor-in-chief can't sack me.

Boy, have I had a bugger of a week. My husband had to work some 24 hour shifts over a weekend, and I started to get sick. The streaming snots and sneezes. Mouthbreathing in aircon is misery, and mouthbreathing outdoors when it hovers around 30C and 80% humidity is not much better. Then there was a major safety issue in our apartment. To say that we are waging a mini "Erin Brockovich" style campaign from our coffee table kind of explains the situation. How this will end I don't know. Perhaps we'll go back to the UK over it (perhaps we'll get sent back!). Perhaps someone will grow a moral conscience and do the right thing. Whatever happens, it's exhausting. Someone taking liberties with my family's safety and then telling me that it is not their problem makes me feel helpless, like we don't matter. Like my child doesn't matter. It feels like a personal insult. I'm finding it very hard to keep any sense of perspective. I was feeling pretty homesick anyway, and now I'm just broken.

And then I heard Christmas music in a shopping mall this morning. I suspect you can imagine how much this pi$$ed me off. No ol' blue eyes, NOT THIS MORNING.

Amidst my phlegm and frustration, I've been trying desperately to throw myself into things I enjoy. But this may have backfired. In just one week I've nearly finished my Veera scarf. But I think I've ruined it in an invisible way. You know in Like Water for Chocolate how Tita infuses the food she cooks with her own emotions? Well, my scarf has been created out of rapid boiling maternal anger. The stitches are perfect and the colours just as beautiful as they were on the ball, but I think the piece as a whole is fuming with pent-up frustration.

On a more positive note, I've been trying to entertain The Boss with a very old copy of Little Old Mrs Pepperpot, a book that I absolutely adored when I was small. My mother-in-law dug this copy out of a long-forgotten bookshelf the last time we were in London. The binding has gone and we're having to handle it like a precious relic. Each time we open the browned pages, my girl takes a long deep sniff of the stale old paper, which she says smells like honey. And she proudly presented her favourite red ribbon for use as the bookmark. I'm trying to treasure the simplicity of a little girl having a favourite ribbon. But it's not easy this week.

When she asked why the book said 3'- on the cover, we started explaining about old money, and how Granny had bought this book a long time ago. With a look of amazement on her face she whispered in disbelief "does that mean that Granny was in the olden days?!". I can only imagine her visions of Granny buying three shilling books from all the pirates and pharaohs and dinosaurs that we've talked about in the context of the "olden days". Crikey, I bet she thinks that Granny's met the baby Jesus.

Linking along with the lovely Small things Yarn Along. I hope you, and they, can indulge and forgive me my rant. Will try not to do it again.


  1. I'm sorry to hear about all the crappy stuff (and I think if you can't vent on your own blog, then where can you vent?!) and hope it gets better really soon.

    I love the fact that your little one smells the old book, I've loved the smell of yellowing book pages since I was a little girl too, and it's always been a comforting smell as I've grown up, linking back to childhood innocence and reading with my mum and dad :)

  2. Sorry to hear that you have had a sucky week, hopefully next week will be better. I remember reading Mrs Pepperpot and you have just reminded me that it would be a super gift for my niece, I am trying to give her copies of my favourite books (and I might just have a little look through before I wrap it up :D)

  3. Hope you're feeling better soon, sounds like you've had a bad time of it recently. I love old books too (unfortunately so does my baby, he always picks out the oldest ones to 'love' (destroy)) Had to giggle over what you wrote about the olden days ;)

  4. I'm sorry to hear about your awful week too. I know how you must feel being homesick. I'm from the mountains of Tennessee and have been living right outside NYC for three years. Homesickness is a constant theme on my blog. I hope things get better for you this week.

    The Veera scarf pattern looks lovely! Laughing too at the olden days comment.

  5. So sorry about being under the weather. That can definitely be NOT fun (I hate when I can't breathe through my nose). I hope it clears up soon! I have always been a book sniffer. Still do. Although I think they smelled better when I was a child! Happy knitting!!!

  6. Now you see? All these comments from lovely people I've never met, all being so sweet that I feel guilty for being such a pain in the arse! Thank you, really, I feel cushioned... if that makes any sense.

  7. Sorry about your craptastic week. I hope things start looking up from here on out. Venting is a good way to get things off your chest. If people don't want to read about it, that's their problem.

    The last part of your post made me crack up. Your daughter is a darling.

  8. oh dear! shame on them for making you feel unsafe and so unhappy. i hope things turn around, and yes, here is fine to do say what you need and always feel supported. maybe your lovely scarf needs to be smudged with some lovely sage, clear the negative energy. feel better soon macaroon!!

  9. blogs are meant to show the ups and the downs. if we only read the ups...we might think we are the only frustrated, crazy, self indulgent ones! we need to know that bloggers are human too. not super human. just mho.


  10. hear, hear the first and last comments especially. Rant away. Thanks for calling in to Dreaming Aloud and commenting on the mama anger piece - loved your comment. Go girl with your new blog!

  11. craptastic...great word Jen, shall be using it myself in the near future I imagine!

    Lori ann and Jen (2); I'll need to google the healing powers of sage, and the meaning of mho! Thanks for your sweet comments.

    To bring anyone else up to speed with the last comment; Dreamingaloudnet has written a good feature on mama anger. My take on it is that getting angry with your kids occasionally and moderately is necessary practice for those times in life when you need to harness that anger for REAL to protect them.

    Like the Hindu guardian goddess of children, Periyachi. She got p-r-e-t-t-y cross. I wonder what she would have made of the jobsworth at our construction company... (short work I would've thought!)

    I'm kind of facinated by Periyachi, and despite her appearance, I've been told by a local that she's considered a really benevolent mother figure. She simply illustrates the burning fury of a woman's wrath in the face of exploitation. I've thought about her a lot this week!

    See this link to read all about her; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periyachi

  12. Rant away! This is your space to do whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it. I've done my fair share of ranting before.... So sorry to hear you've had a crappy day and hopefully things will start to pick up soon. Am hearing you with the heat and humidity thing. It sucks..... x

  13. Thanks Tai Tai, the climate really does start to suck after a while doesn't it. Especially the knowledge that it will n-e-v-e-r c-h-a-n-g-e. Relentless - bleuch.


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